This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
