just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
