Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
