guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
