he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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