Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
