We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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