ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
