I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
