I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
