there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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