You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
