I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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