Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
