So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Randomize
