So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
