omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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