Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I still have a little drunk in my system
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
