just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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