Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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