Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
