Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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