We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
