Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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