I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
