You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
