tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
