Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
