I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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