it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
