So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
