Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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