so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
