Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
