WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
