Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize