she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
