even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Everything about him screamed your future.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
