I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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