areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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