Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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