omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
