There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
