I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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