I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
