I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
