Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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