i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
