tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
