the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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