I am in a vortex of obligation.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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