I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
