I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
