I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
