i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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