Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
