The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
