We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
