Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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