he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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