singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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