so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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