I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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