BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
