theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
