I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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