Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
