I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
