My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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