i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
